A journey from trauma to authenticity
Returning Home
Blog Start Here
Returning Home
Blog Start Here

Returning Home

This blog is all about returning home to my true self.

True self is called Immortal Diamond, by Richard Rohr, the Self in psychotherapy such as Internal Family Systems, Beloved by Henri Nouwen, Gabor Mate calls it Authenticity.


My own path to healing started when I listened to Lectio Divina, lying in the dark, evening after evening, while waiting for my toddler to drift off to sleep, and heard over and over again that I am Beloved.
Something in me fundamentally shifted, when I stopped believing “I am a worthless sinner,” and started believing “I am beloved”, “I am an equal, precious, human being with intrinsic worth,” “I am a treasure.”


It did not make me selfish or big-headed.


It enabled me to see more of my own shadow: my own fears, weaknesses, self-hatred and damaging behaviours. The more I valued myself just for who I intrinsically am, the less I needed to defend myself, hide, or cover-up my mistakes. The more I became aware of my light and my shadow, the more compassion I had for myself, and the more I could see the parts of me that needed to step back and take a rest.


It is an ongoing journey. The more compassion I have for myself, warts and all, the more I can interact with others with compassion. I see them as fellow human beings, with infinite value, wounds that need to heal, wonderful gifts to share and their own journey to travel.

A Journey to Travel


Discovering my value enabled me to deconstruct the beliefs that were erroneous, damaging, silencing and belittling me. I started to trust my inner voice, my intuition. I began to notice when I was saying “yes”, when I wanted to say “no”, and gave myself permission to respond authentically. I discovered how to value my body, and to listen to it. I found it is true that “The body does not lie”. I started to listen when my body felt tense, anxious or defensive, and put appropriate boundaries in place to care for myself and recognise my limits.


Once I allowed my sense of self-worth to become embodied, I could grieve the past. How I grieved the lack of unconditional love, that each child should experience from birth. And I could feel again; feel the anger, rage and storm, and the sadness. I wept. And I was comforted.


And I knew none of it had been my fault.


I then had the courage to verbalise my true values, beliefs and ideas. I am learning to be curious, and develop clarity. I can think creatively about today and tomorrow. The world feels full of possibilities and adventures.


For me now, I find it life-giving to start the day with a contemplative sit, where I just allow myself to be. This reminds me and embodies that I am not what I do. My value is in who I am. It helps me listen to my true self. It allows me to live more of my day from that true self centre, with the eight “Cs” of Internal Family Systems: creativity, calm, confidence, clarity, courage, curiosity, connection and compassion.


Living a life in which I am allowing my true self to emerge from the chrysalis feels like peace, joy, hope and love. It feels like freedom. It feels like I am embarking on the life I was born to live. It feels like returning home.

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14 Comments

  1. Matthew Lawrence

    I completely agree with the 8 ‘C’s!! Interesting writings! I’ve been doing a blog since October 2005 to keep mainly in touch with family and friends around the world and have in essence enough material for a book….now there’s a thought!!

  2. Matt

    Love this Andrea, and thanks for sharing. I have been on a contemplative journey myself. It is so refreshing and healing, getting out of my head and embodying my soul, my authentic true self. It’s an ongoing journey, but I am enjoying the process and not the destination, relishing the is-ness, the all-sufficient here and now that I had sped past for too long without even noticing. x

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